Baby Steps
by shika hiiragizawa
Summary: A certain Tomoyo Daidouji finds out that the rumors about her husband cheating on her were true, and so she leaves him. Incidentally, she gets pregnant with his child, and struggles to make it through... not quite alone, but with her new child. A story of independence and inner strength, and maybe, just maybe, true love. ExT
1. Prologue

**Baby Steps**

**shika hiiragizawa**

**Summary: A certain Tomoyo Daidouji finds out that the rumors about her husband, Eriol Hiiragizawa, cheating on her, were true, and so she leaves him. Incidentally, she gets pregnant with his child, and struggles to make it through, not quite alone, but with her new child. A story of independence and inner strength, and maybe, just maybe, true love. ExT.**

**OoO**

shika: Hi guys! I just wanted to write something (not because I was cheated on, mind you!) just to share my thoughts. I want a story that was different, and I hope I don't get flames for this. I want to write something about women,_ for_ women. This is only the start, and I hope you guys like it.

**OoO**

The weak, yellowish light of the lamp perfectly obscured her unfathomable expression. The lights were turned off and the blinds were drawn. All that was seen was her ghostly silhouette as she sat on the black couch beside the lamp in the sitting room.

She crossed her legs and pursed her lips, looking completely cold and unreadable, when in truth, she was shaking with anxiety inside. She took a deep breath, trying to calm the bubbling sensation inside her chest. Was she supposed to believe the rumors of him being with another girl? Of holding hands and entering a motel? But they were just rumors, weren't they? And he was her husband, for goodness' sake! They had been together for 7 years, since they were 16. They were happily married at 21, and he still told her she looked pretty, and gave her multitudes of gifts and flowers. They did _it_ almost half the time. There was no sign of him getting tired of her. All the same, she found herself falling for him more, instead of getting used to him.

So why believe rumors? That's why they were called rumors – because they weren't _real._ Because it was just some fictitious tale someone cooked up.

But what if that someone was her best friend, Sakura, and her older brother, Touya, who had seen _it_? What if it was Yukito who called her out for a drink just to tell her he had seen him kissing this particular girl near the park?

What was she supposed to believe, her friends' statements, or his enigmatic smile that never failed to make her knees turn to jelly?

She had no more time to decide, for she already heard the door swing, and his quiet whisper of her name.

"I thought you were asleep," he muttered, taking off his coat and leaving it by the rack beside the door, "the lights are off – but the lamp – " she never saw his expression in the darkness as he paused, dropping his briefcase and walking to her. "Darling, are you alright?"

Damn him for asking stupid questions, because if her friends' statements were true, he already knew the answer. Damn him for taking her face in his hands, and letting her see the genuine expression of concern etched on his face, gorgeous despite the hideous yellow light. He studied her face for a moment before he closed the gap between them and kissed her fully on the lips. She sighed in the kiss as he probed inside her mouth, letting her taste the cigarette he just had before entering the house.

"Tell me, Tomoyo," he whispered as she broke from the kiss, pushing him away from her. "You hate this lamp. You never turn it on."

But she did not answer. She had been thinking of this for a while, but why had she forgotten of thinking of how to start the conversation! What kind of wife was she, that she couldn't even ask _that_ from her husband, who he was legally hers for eternity?

"Tomoyo…" his lips found hers again, trying to plead with her in the kiss. His hands slid to her buttocks, and she felt the chair leave her as he carried her to their room. He laid her on the bed, his lips tracing her neck and her collarbone.

But she pushed him away again, and this time, Eriol did not bother to hide the pained expression on his face.

"Eriol…" she finally whispered, "someone told me…" she bit her lip and turned away from him, unable to speak any longer.

"Told you what, Tomoyo?" he asked, anxious. He held her chin and gently made her face him. Tomoyo closed her eyes when she saw that his blue eyes were filled with genuine warmth and concern. How could someone so sincere cheat on her? How could Eriol do that? She had known him well enough to know when he was keeping something from her. And right now, she knew he wasn't.

So her trusted friends were wrong?

Everything just seemed to be complicated.

"Just kiss me, please," she whispered.

His lips locked with hers without any hesitation. Their tongues fought for dominance, and with each second, Tomoyo slowly began to forget why she was angry in the first place. He trailed kisses down her jaw to her neck, and within minutes, Tomoyo already melted in his arms.

Of course, Tomoyo wanted to reciprocate his ministrations, so she kissed his lips, his collarbones and his shoulders as well, feeling the need to disregard his neck. They had done this almost forever, and she knew Eriol didn't particularly like being touched, let alone kissed, at that part. He had some sort of accident years ago which included hitting his neck with something sharp, which nearly killed him, and so he had that sort of trauma when something neared that particular part of his body. She understood clearly, and she loved him enough to give him what he needed.

The two were lost in their love-making, groaning and moaning each others' names through the night. It was not until Tomoyo had reached her 5th orgasm (or maybe it was more?) for the night that she noticed something reddish against Eriol's pale skin. She squinted through the moonlight, her hazy, lust-filled mind slowly registering where the spot was. She couldn't ask Eriol because was already fast asleep, having given her all his stamina, which, if he weren't so tired from work, would have lasted the whole night.

Was it a rash? She probed her memories, and thought that if a mosquito bit his neck, he would endure the itch, because he could hardly touch his own neck. As she squinted closer, she saw that it was bigger than a mosquito bite, and it looked just like the hickeys he left on her skin. _That couldn't be,_ her befuddled mind thought_, I never kissed him there, let alone suck his skin_.

Realization hit her like a wave crashing onto the sand. She stifled a sob as she remembered all the times when Eriol told her not to stroke his neck, and how it was hard for him to take a bath, because it meant he had to clean it. He would wince every time the towel came into contact with his neck, and that was the only time he did so, because he knew he'd have to clean his body. And his cleaning would never cause the round spot on his neck, because he always used such gentleness on that particular spot, scared to bruise it. And yet… there was a kissmark on his neck. It glared at her like it was some sort of proof. Well, in this case, it was actually proof.

_My friends weren't lying,_ she wept bitterly.

She gently heaved Eriol off her chest. Luckily, he was out like a light, so he barely stirred as she moved him away. He was also lucky that Tomoyo had kept all her anger to herself, because, had this purple-eyed beauty expressed her feelings, she would have strangled the exact spot where the hickey lay, even if she knew how he was sensitive to it.

She emptied her drawers as quietly as she could, with the moonlight guiding her. Tears fell from her eyes, but she did not sob, because she was afraid he might wake up. She put her wedding ring on their bedside table and wept until dawn. Before her husband could stir, though, she gathered her bags and fled, without even a letter or a note.

It was not until an hour later that a certain Eriol Hiiragizawa would notice his wife's disappearance and search the whole place for her. He would see her wedding ring on his table, scream out of fury and pain, and notice the red spot on his neck, just above his collarbone, on the mirror beside the ring, like she intentionally left it there for him. And then, he would understand why she left, and what he had done to make her leave.

**OoO**

**shika: I hope this doesn't sound cliche or anything? Well, I would like to hear your thoughts about this, because your comments and suggestions are music to my ears. =) **

**Thanks for reading! XOXO**


	2. Chapter I: Embryo

**Baby Steps**

**shika hiiragizawa**

**Summary: A certain Tomoyo Daidouji finds out that the rumors about her husband, Eriol Hiiragizawa, cheating on her, were true, and so she leaves him. Incidentally, she gets pregnant with his child, and struggles to make it through, not quite alone, but with her new child. A story of independence and inner strength, and maybe, just maybe, true love. ExT.**

**OoO**

**Shika: Hey ya'll! I decided to post Chapter I on the same day, since I'm not quite busy today, and my fingers are itching to continue this story! I've also changed the summary and the title, because I just thought of some stuff. Alright, alright, since I've updated twice, may I receive the honor of hearing, I mean, reading your lovely comments?**

**OoO**

**Chapter I: Embryo**

Sakura said she had long, straight red hair that reached her waist. She even remarked that her aura was the opposite of Tomoyo's – whose dark locks, soft, amethyst eyes, and pale, slender figure, made her have an air of softness around her. Her dainty etiquette added to her ethereal, otherworldly beauty. The other woman's existence, on the other hand, screamed blood-red fire, which was barely hidden by her supposedly "sophisticated" gait. Sakura found it hard to believe that a woman who had the tendency to be a mewling tigress could pounce at Eriol with fangs bared, and make him fall for her.

Touya said that her eyes were a piercing crimson, which added to Sakura's "fiery" description. She might look calm and collected at first glance, even with her flaming hair, but the moment one looked at her smoldering eyes, one would wish he would be swallowed by the Earth. She was a different, scarier kind of temptress, he even added while scratching his head apologetically.

Yukito said that when she smiled, the people around her stared and gaped at her, but would not come any closer because she looked like she could burn someone into ashes. In essence, her personality was very, _very _intimidating. Since Eriol had somewhat a dominant personality, Yukito noted that maybe he was attracted to her because he wanted to tame the very fire she possessed.

Even after three weeks of living alone, Tomoyo could not shake off everything they said, even if they practically begged her to forget Eriol and the… the woman. She didn't even know her name, and yet she wanted to slap her. No, kill her. She didn't want to admit that their descriptions actually scared her a bit, because Tomoyo was a woman who was soft and beautiful and sheltered. She was not used to dealing with people who likened to spitfire because she didn't need to.

Tomoyo was the type of woman whom Eriol wanted because he wanted, no, _needed_, to have the upper hand in everything. Now he was gone, and whatever shelter she had gotten from his protectiveness was lost in the wind. Whatever strength she had depended on him to give to her was gone. And she had to gain her strength her own way, by her own hands. Moving out was only the first step.

However, her first three weeks were truly hell, yet she had forgiven herself for doing nothing. After moving in to an apartment in another town, she spent her days in bed, crying her eyes out. She barely ate, barely slept, or barely moved from her fetal position. She had forgotten the days of the week, and was thankful her company gave her a long leave of two months, even without asking for any reason. She _needed _the time.

In order to stand up again, she knew she had to release 7 years worth of feelings. She knew she wasn't the strongest woman on Earth, but she knew she could not deny her feelings; rather, she should accept them first before dealing with them.

What had hurt her most was the fact that she never heard anything from him after she left. He never texted her, called her, or made any move to contact her. She had always strained her ears for the sound of footsteps, thinking it was him bounding towards her door. Her heart leapt at the whistle of the wind because she thought it was his voice calling out for her. But there was nothing. _Nada._

It was as if he had accepted her decision wholeheartedly and was even happy about it.

_Happy?_ Tomoyo had forgotten what it felt like. She felt like she was stuck in some dark abyss and she could not claw her way out of her pit of grief. It was worse than someone dying, because you can still talk to the person to fix everything, but no matter how much you want to put together the broken pieces, you can't. If someone died, at least you'd have no choice but to move on. Or maybe that was a really bad analogy. She wouldn't really prefer Eriol's death over this mess. But heck, she was already having a bad morning, so what the hell? She let her logic slide.

That particular morning (Tomoyo didn't know what day, she barely cared), she heard someone knock softly on her door. Her head suddenly shot up from the bed, and she froze.

_What do I do if it's Eriol?_ She thought, her eyes watering again. _What do I tell him? What do I – _

The knocking continued, and she felt her palms grow slick with sweat. Her heart, which she thought was dead already, seemed to hammer inside her chest like the person outside brought it some new blood. True enough, Eriol could be likened to her blood, because he bought her life, though it seemed like another bad analogy. She told herself to let it slide again.

_Eriol… _the tears couldn't stop now._ Did you come for me?_

"It's me, Sakura."

She buried her face into her already wet pillow, feeling the soggy cotton press against her tear-stained cheek. Of course it's Sakura! _He_ would never come barging in! He didn't even _care_ where she was.

"I'm coming in, Tomoyo," she heard her open the door and close it gently.

_How the hell did she –_

"Thank God you gave me the spare key, Tomoyo. You're a mess." Tomoyo didn't look even look up as she heard Sakura's footsteps getting nearer. She didn't even wince when she felt Sakura peel the blanket off her sweaty body.

"I know you're awake. I swear, Tomoyo, if you don't eat, you'll…"

_Oh yeah, now I remember,_ Tomoyo thought as she tuned out Sakura from her thoughts._ Sakura always comes here every day. How could I forget?_

She always came everyday to try and persuade her to do something or to eat something. Sometimes she was just was just there beside her as she cried her heart out. Sometimes, her other friends came, but they were silent and careful about discussing the topics around her, taking care not to mention anything about… well, _him_. Oh, for the love of God, could she stop thinking about him?

"Please, Tomoyo, just this once, please?"

But she did not know any emotion anymore. She barely knew what it felt like to be hungry. All she felt was darkness and the urge to…

"Tomoyo? Tomoyo, where are you going?"

She remembered eating some biscuits at about dawn, not because of hunger, but because of her hyper acidity which, to her utter dismay, was acting up again. She had to eat about three packs of plain crackers before the painful scratching in her stomach faded away. Unfortunately for her, the crackers that saved her went down the toilet bowl. Before she could even register what was happening, she vomited again, and tasted something sour on her tongue. Her throat was burning.

"Tomoyo, Tomoyo!"

Her knees buckled and she sank onto the white bathroom tiles, clutching her stomach. That was when she noticed a pile of napkins neatly stocked on the small shelf beside her. She took one and stared at it. _How long was it since her last…?_

"What day is it today?" she croaked, feeling her parched mouth as she uttered her first sentence ever since she left.

"It's the 24th," Sakura replied, kneeling beside. "Why?" She suddenly noticed what she was holding. "Are you?"

"I'm delayed."

Thank God Sakura was there for her, for she could have had curled up on the bathroom tiles and let herself die. Sakura heaved her up and tucked her into bed in a new, drier blanket, promising to be back after a few minutes to buy some food, mumbling something about pregnancy tests as she left. True to her word, she came back soon enough with a huge gallon of water and a plastic bag filled with some roast beef, crackers, and yes, a pregnancy test packet.

Sakura had to coax Tomoyo, who was practically boring a hole through the wall, to actually eat. She forced her to drink almost half a gallon of water. It was easier to make her drink up, since something stirred inside Tomoyo as she saw the packet staring at her from across the table. A few minutes later, she headed to the bathroom, clutching the said object with trembling hands.

True enough, the plus sign stared at her.

Tomoyo gasped in shock as she tumbled out of the bathroom, hardly believing what she saw. Sakura looked like she wanted to jump for joy, but she masked it with a look of concern. She wanted to know how her best friend felt about it first.

"E-eriol…" Tomoyo gasped as new tears tricked down her cheeks, but they were not caused by depression or by hurt or by pain. They were caused by genuine happiness.

**OoO**

**Shika: I know it's short, but I didn't want to dwell too much on the drama. The story is about Tomoyo's inner journey, after all - with inner meaning her heart and her womb. Thank you for reading and I appreciate your golden views and comments!**


	3. Chapter II: Heartbeat

**Chapter II: Heartbeat**

**Summary: A certain Tomoyo Daidouji finds out that the rumors about her husband cheating on her were true, and so she leaves him. Incidentally, she gets pregnant with his child, and struggles to make it through… not quite alone, but with her new child. A story of independence and inner strength, and maybe, just maybe, true love. ExT**

**OoO**

**Shika: Hey ya'll! Thanks for the lovely reviews and updates, and I just want to send out some special messages to my kind reviewers before we get on with the story. **

**Musette Fujiwara:** thanks for that! I kind of needed that review. I also thank you for reading my stories! I hope you can see some developments…

**Cris Elladan:** For you, I updated early! I hope this chapter satisfies your fancy, though I can't promise the end too soon. Tomoyo has so much to do!

**Prilly55:** I think so, too. Just so you know where I'm coming from, this story is inspired by my thesis, which is, to give a brief description, about feminism in anime.

**XxThe-Crest-Of-AnubisxX:** Thank you so much and I hope you'd still looooove the next chapters, yeah?

**Shika: I know that this story isn't the lovey-dovey type right now, but I hope you can appreciate my writing as I try to make Tomoyo and Eriol grow. I admit it isn't the most original story in the world, but I think what I want to write about is the uniqueness of their journey, if there is such a term. I also hope, in some way, you'd pick something up from this story, too. Here goes!**

**OoO**

"I'm really sorry for bringing this up, but are you going to tell him?"

Tomoyo froze at Sakura's words, nearly dropping the plate she was holding. She was doing the dishes when Sakura arrived, so that she could do something instead of just boring holes through the poor white walls. Sakura heaved a sigh of relief to see that Tomoyo was finally doing something instead of cocooning herself in bed, but she had to open the question. After all, it had been a week since the fated day, and they were supposed to visit the doctor later that afternoon. She had also wanted to bring up _another _important topic, but decided to ignore it for the meantime.

However, instead of answering, Tomoyo just continued to scrub the white plate, even if it was already clean. Tomoyo had just gotten the hang of actually leaving the bed, and Sakura had just to state the reason why couldn't leave her beloved mattress. She couldn't blame her friend, though, because she was right. She needed to think of these things. It hurt, of course, but she couldn't just don the piling dishes on the sink and jump to the bed. She had had_ enough_ of crying.

"Tomoyo?"

Finally, the raven-haired lady faced her, her eyes rimmed red. She was obviously trying her best not to cry. "What do you think?"

"I… I think it should be your decision, Tomoyo-chan. But whatever happens, know that he is still the father of your child, no matter what."

Tomoyo knew that, but the fact was so hard to swallow. If she could just erase from her memory that Eriol fathered her child and just get on with raising him or her, she would be happy forever. But then again, when her child is born, he or she would – no doubt – look somehow like Eriol and would always be a reminder of her past romance.

But Tomoyo had to be strong.

The baby was probably just days or weeks old, and she already felt her protectiveness flaring up for her child, her own flesh and blood. Even if the child would bring her bad memories of Eriol, she would accept it and love her child with all her heart. It wasn't as if her child asked to be born, so she couldn't blame him or her for whatever happened. She would love him or her and take responsibility for all her actions.

With that in mind, she gave her answer.

"If he talks to me, I'll tell him."

The conversation ended there. Tomoyo finished cleaning the dishes and Sakura dried the plates, but they knew a question was still hanging in the air, and no one bothered to bring it up.

_What if he never contacted Tomoyo?_

After Tomoyo dressed up in a lilac blouse and skintight jeans, they went to see the doctor. Sakura knew that Tomoyo was looking for Eriol's face in the crowd, but she didn't dare bring it up. Sakura was obviously sad for her friend, and mad at Eriol for his careless actions. If Sakura wasn't his friend, she would have loathed him with an anger so deep she could kill him, but she knew Eriol well. Though his actions were what she least expected, she knew Eriol was not a heartless person. With the way things are going, and the zero interaction she received from him, though, her perception was starting to waver.

When they arrived at the clinic, Tomoyo talked to the nurse about her appointment, and the nurse advised that they sit down first so she could confirm their appointment. Tomoyo rested on a plush white leather sofa as she looked at the clinic which was filled with white. The walls were white, the white tiles were squeaky clean, and even the doors and window bars were in the same color. The only contrast was the line of pastel teddy bears about one inch thick bordering the bottom of the walls. She chuckled inwardly and Sakura smiled at her friend's change in mood.

"Mrs. Hiiragizawa?"

"Yes?" Tomoyo flinched as she tore her eyes away from the bears to look at the nurse, who was holding a clipboard. Luckily, the nurse did not see her pained expression because she was looking at the clipboard, but Sakura caught her look dead-on before she smoothed her face and tried a calmer appearance.

"Come with me," said the nurse, ushering her to the room at the far end of the white corridor with Sakura at their heels.

The room was as white as everything else, but there were childish touches everywhere, like small toys on the mahogany desk. The windows were wide open, letting the fresh air in, all the while showing a view of the huge garden outside the clinic. Seated on the white chair was a doctor who was about in her early 30's with cropped blonde hair, black eyes, and a dimple on her left cheek. Her eyes were sharp as it surveyed Sakura and Tomoyo. Nonetheless, her gaze was kind. The nurse handed the doctor the clipboard and bowed before she left the room.

"Mrs…" the doctor scanned the clipboard for a moment before looking at them both. "Hiiragizawa?"

Tomoyo flinched again, and this time, the doctor caught her response, but she ignored it.

"I'm Doctor Yamamura. How may I help you?" She held out a hand, and Tomoyo shook it gruffly.

"Uh, I just had a pregnancy test earlier this week, and it was positive. My friend and I," she looked at Sakura, who nodded for her to continue, "tried it about two more times just to check, and the plus sign never lied."

"How long was it since your period?"

"About more than a month? I'm not really that sure."

"Well," Doctor Yamamura scribbled something on her clipboard, "we'll run some tests, then see for sure." She motioned to the white curtain at her back. "Miss Sakura can assist you."

After the said tests, Doctor Yamamura advised Tomoyo to take it easy, to lay off the heavy work and relax. She wasn't allowed any stressful work. She also prescribed her to take some pre-natal vitamins, among other things. She warned her of the changes her body might take, and advised her to avoid panicking at these changes and let it be.

Sakura and Tomoyo thanked her profusely before they left, and scheduled another appointment in two weeks. After buying the needed vitamins, Sakura and Tomoyo decided to eat dinner at a café nearby.

"Syaoran will be joining us for dinner," Sakura mused as she checked her cell phone, smiling brightly. "He says he's on the way."

"Let's wait for him to eat, then? How are you guys anyway?" Tomoyo peered from the menu to look at her friend, who was blushing like a tomato.

"A…we…we're okay!" she stammered, hiding her face in the menu. Tomoyo chuckled, and Sakura smiled at her friend's reaction. Finally, her cheerfulness was going back.

Syaoran arrived minutes later, and they all ordered. Sakura and Syaoran were very happy to note that their friend's mood was getting better. They talked about some future plans for Tomoyo's baby (at least Tomoyo and Sakura did), and some shine was finally starting to show in her amethyst pools. Well, that was before Syaoran accidentally brought Eriol into the conversation.

"I had lunch with the boys last week," Syaoran said as he cut through his steak, as they were talking about updates on their friends. "But Eriol wasn't—"

He bit his lip to silence the cry of pain as Sakura kicked him from beneath the table. He also cursed himself inwardly for talking about the topic which Sakura considered "taboo" whenever Tomoyo was around. She called it so for good reason, because Tomoyo suddenly found her spoon and fork as good companions.

"I-I—" Syaoran stammered, "I'm so sorry, Tomoyo. I didn't mean to—"

"No," she cut in, still looking downward. "I want to hear about Eriol, because I really haven't heard from him in a while."

"But Tomoyo," Sakura was the one to cut in, her eyes flashing with concern for her best friend. "What good would it do?"

A flash of pain escaped her dark eyes, but she hid it with a blank expression. Unfortunately for her, Sakura had caught her look, and was about to open her mouth to say some more, but it was Syaoran who spoke, breaking the silence in the table.

"I think Tomoyo needs to know," he said, his voice low and serious - the professional voice he assumed at work. "Although, I don't guarantee you positive news. Is it still OK with you?"

Tomoyo nodded silently, her gaze never leaving her plate.

"After the err… incident, we never heard from Eriol," Syaoran said slowly, picking his words to gauge Tomoyo's expression, which was a rather blank one. "When Takahashi invites him out, he never replies. He even avoids him at work."

Tomoyo nodded again, remembering that Eriol and Takahashi worked in the same law firm. Syaoran worked in another law firm which was affiliated with theirs, so they had no problem meeting up and updating each other… before the "incident," of course.

"Aside from that, Tomoyo, we don't know anything else. He avoids all his friends, even Sakura." Sakura nodded silently to prove his point, and he continued, his brow creasing in worry as he noticed Tomoyo's crestfallen expression. He debated with himself whether to tell her the truth, but decided in the end that she should still know.

"But I've heard rumors of him going out with the girl we all mentioned to you," he gulped inwardly, noticing the obvious change in Tomoyo's aura.

"Her name is Kaho Mizuki."

Silence again filled their table, only to marred by the chitchat of the other customers. Tomoyo broke the silence minutes later, surprising her two friends at the table by her sudden boldness. It seemed like the important topic Sakura wanted to ignore was brought out in the open.

"I want a divorce."

**OoO**

**Shika: HOHOHO I don't know much about divorce stuff, but I'll read on so that I can give realistic descriptions for the next chapters. How do you like the story so far? I hope you guys can comment, so that I'd have some more lovely inspiration to get me by! As always, thanks for reading! XOXO**


	4. Chapter III: Peeping Toes

**Baby Steps**

**shika hiiragizawa**

**shika: Hey y'all! Another fast update for you, because I love you! Since you guys are wondering why I can give you chapters this early, it's because I'm in between jobs at the moment. So instead of resting, I give you this. **

**ulq4schiffer**** :** Thanks for reviewing! As for how long, I'm not really sure yet. Based on what I've written, it won't be more than 15 chapters? Not sure yet. But thanks for asking! I'll update you as soon as I'm sure with the length of the story.

**prilly55****:** Thanks prilly55! I know it's heartbreaking, even my heart wrenches as I write each chapter. I hope this chapter wouldn't be that heartbreaking for you. Happy reading!

**XxThe-Crest-Of-AnubisxX:** Tada! Here's another one, for you. And thanks! I think I'll need that luck for this story, and for finding work. Haha

Tina: I'm glad you're happy about the plot. I hope you read on and see stuff about Eriol… soon. Thanks for reading!

**Cris Elladan** : Thanks! We'll see about that. As I said to ulq4schiffer, I could end up with about 15 chapters. Just stay with me and we'll do something for ExT!

**EuroCuttie** : Thanks for reading this and I'm sorry about My Playboy. It's NOT on hiatus, I'm actually writing it. I wrote several different versions already, but something's missing. I just can't put my finger to it. I'll update once I stop this…err… inconvenience. I hope you also love this story and thanks for being a loyal reader and reviewer!

**Bunearygirl:** Thanks, dear! Feel free to comment on the storyline. I'm glad you loved it. I love writing it, too.

**Shika: I appreciate all the golden reviews, and hope for more to come! Without further ado, please scroll down for chapter three!**

**OoO**

**Chapter III: Peeping Toes**

For the nth time, Tomoyo stared at the blank screen of her cell phone, pondering whether she should hit send. It was a text to meet-up with the only man who broke her poor heart, of course. She buried herself beneath the sheets, discarding the message in the process.

It had been days since she made her decision to leave, but she did not have the heart to take one step to achieve her goal. Why should she be the _first_ one to make contact, anyway? It was like she was _running_ after the guy, even if her motivation for meeting him was completely the opposite (e.g. divorce matters and NOTHING else).

Furthermore, what would he do once he finds out she bears his child? Would he accept the divorce? After all, they are _still _married, so it is _still_ a decision between two people. Besides, no matter how many women he may sleep with (and the thought burned a hole through her already hollow heart), that can never change the fact that his blood runs deep in the miracle she nurses in her belly. In short, for the divorce to be considered legal, she needed his consent through written proof, by way of his signature on the said papers.

Tomoyo didn't want to admit it, but what scared her most was Eriol's reaction to the divorce. She had a huge feeling he would just let her do it; after all, he never made a move to contact her ever since that day. If Eriol didn't even_ try_ and ask her back because of his new girl, then it would hurt her more than anything else. It was like he discarded for some new toy, after having _all _the fun he wanted with her.

Fresh tears leaked from her eyes as she buried her face in her pillow, trying hard to stop her tears. She had just started getting out of bed, and now she had to find some ounce of strength to get up again. For some reason, even if she made a resolve, she could not find the strength to reach her goal.

She didn't want a divorce, of course. She loved Eriol with all her heart and soul, even after everything that happened. She had made a promise to love him forever. Tomoyo didn't make such pledge on a whim. She didn't treat marriage as something that could be refuted, no matter how their generation seemed open to the idea.

However, she knew she had to let go because it was the right thing, and she wept bitterly over this fact. Maybe Eriol was happier with his new girl, Kaho Mizuki. But… how could he do that after all his promises? After the wedding vows? After… _everything_?

She remembered the night when Eriol proposed to her, which she considered one of the best nights she had ever had in her whole life.

It started off as one of the worst days in her life, when a huge clothing company rejected all her designs for new dresses. She worked damned hard for so many months - staying up all night, drinking gallons of coffee while she sketched her fingers off - and all her hard work was thrown to waste in the span of 10 infinitesimal minutes.

She had even worn a lilac silk dress she especially created for the day that could possibly change her fortune. After presenting the designs, because of some stupid power play with the higher-ups, she was rejected, even if almost all, except the said officer (who had quite the high rank and reputation) liked – no, _loved_, all her designs.

Who could not, after she had poured all her heart and soul and blood to it?

She had half a mind to excuse herself from her date with Eriol after the said meeting. She knew he would understand if she needed time to mend her heart after such a fiasco which she didn't even cause, for the most part. She didn't even know what grudge the person held against her.

Even before her fingers skimmed the phone to create her message, she saw him waiting outside the building, wearing a smile on his face that was reserced only for her. Usually, his smiled would make her feel like Christmas had come early. Because of her dilemma, however, she could only feel like it was a few weeks before Christmas.

Eriol noticed her miserable exterior, of course, and gave her a long, sweet kiss that turned her knees into pools of lilac jelly. People around them wolf-whistled and shot them looks of pure envy, but Eriol couldn't care less. He even smirked a little as his hands encircled her waist and pulled her closer to him, claiming her as his. In response to his ministrations, Tomoyo's hands found his neck, her slim arms pulling her to him.

He knew what had happened before she said anything, because it was obviously stamped on her face. He could feel it in the sorrow she made him feel through their kiss. He said nothing, offered no words of consolation, because he knew she hated exactly that. He knew that phrases like "it'll be alright" or "everything's gonna be fine in the end" meant nothing to Tomoyo. At situations like this, she craved touch more than anything else.

And so he caved in to her needs, lacing his hands through hers, because he also needed to be close to her.

He led her to his car, opening the door for her. She barely smiled at his gesture, and thanked him all _too_ politely for what he did. Trying to keep his concern at bay, and his anger at the company, he went inside his car before thinking of throwing a bomb at the company. He knew how long Tomoyo worked for it, and she had cancelled numerous dates for the day. Breaking her heart is not an excuse for him. But he could not kill the President of the company just for Tomoyo. It would also break her heart. He decided to just be with her.

Once on the road, Eriol handed her the iPod, telling her to choose the song for that day, a cocky smile on his face. Tomoyo giggled, despite her pain. They had this thing of fighting over the iPod, because the two had different tastes in music. Eriol preferred hard rock and emo, which Tomoyo thought was far from the "mysterious" air her had. Tomoyo, on the other hand, listened to pop songs and English bands, which, in Eriol's opinion, was a very bad combination. Nonetheless, because of their endless love for music, they put all the songs they wanted into the old but trusty 64 gigabyte gadget.

They had a lot of similar music tastes as well, but that did not stop them from bickering and fighting over the iPod, even if Eriol was driving. Actually, it happened _especially _while Eriol's hands were on the wheel. Tomoyo used these moments because she knew Eriol had to keep his eyes on the road. But of course, Eriol _hated_ losing, and so the road was long forgotten. They had gone through a lot of near-death experiences because of it, but it didn't stop them from their not-so-loving game of tug-of-war.

Therefore, Eriol handing Tomoyo the iPod willingly meant _a lot_. It certainly lightened Tomoyo's mood for a bit, as she chose an XX song for the occasion. Eriol fought the urge to bang his head on the steering wheel because he disliked the song. He knew it was his fault, since he gave her the iPod without so much as a snappy retort.

When he saw the smile on her face, however, he chuckled to himself, feeling that he could bear even the whole album with that bright expression on her face over her gloomy disposition moments ago. Tomoyo suspected that Eriol did this because of what happened earlier, but when his dark blue Porsche slid out the highway onto unfamiliar roads, she began to get suspicious.

"Are we dating in some jungle? Is this my punishment for choosing the song today?" she jokingly remarked as they passed a dirt road filled with trees, which was the opposite of the cemented city.

"Trust me, this'll make you feel better." Their conversation ended there.

Eriol smiled mischievously at her puzzled face as he maneuvered his baby expertly through the pebbled road, leaving Tomoyo to speculate for herself. Tomoyo was usually keen, but because of the, well, very bad _episode_ earlier that day, she could not even smell the aroma of food wafting deliciously from the backseat. She had honestly thought he wanted to cheer her up. Well, partly, of course. Eriol had other, bigger agendas on his list.

If you expected Eriol Hiiragizawa to prepare a candle-lit dinner with an orchestra in the first restaurant he and Tomoyo ever dated in, you're pretty much wrong. Eriol brought out much, _much_ bigger guns to win his girlfriend's heart. Even though Tomoyo looked pretty much like a disaster that day, that didn't hinder him from continuing his plan. He was that confident, of course.

Or that's what he'd want everyone else to think. Eriol Hiiragizawa, like most strong men, hid his anxiety perfectly. He had years and years of practice, after all. Only Tomoyo could see through his enigmatic dominance, but with the given circumstances, Tomoyo had too much on her mind to notice how his jaw tightened and how his fingers tapped the wheel as he scooted towards the unfamiliar road.

Instead of a well-known restaurant, Eriol chose a secluded part of a white sand beach in another town. Who would've thought someone could find a small c-shaped shore that was sheltered from the public by lots of trees? It was a strip of virgin land wherein no one has ever settled yet. The venue alone took a long time for Eriol to find, but if it were for Tomoyo, he knew it would all be worth it.

True enough, she hugged him tight and kissed him lovingly, tears springing from her eyes.

"Thank you, Eriol," she whispered gratefully, "you definitely know how to cheer me up."

Eriol only kissed her again, careful not to let slip anything about his plan.

As for the food, no chef other than Eriol Hiiragizawa prepared all the courses, including his and Tomoyo's favorites in the menu. He brought out a huge, wicker picnic basket from the backseat, complete with a tent and some pillows.

Eriol had to gasp for air when Tomoyo kissed her again, chuckling as he put his finger on her lips to stop before he initiated their next kisses. After a long while of kissing, Eriol had to move things around because the basket looped in his arm was not something he would want to get caught holding. He set up the tent beside red checkered picnic blanket, in case they got tired and needed to sleep… what else would they need it for? He laid the food gently on the cloth. As he did this, he watched Tomoyo take off her shoes and run against the waves. The wind tickled her pale cheeks, coaxing some color into the pale petals.

Tomoyo did not care if the silky material of her dress got wet and weighed upon her. She ran around the ankle-deep waters, because Eriol did not want her to help out with the food. She breathed in the warm, salty air, but the weight of the day pressed her heart, unable to make her smile her sweetest, even if she was in her element.

As fatigue got to her because of too much running, she began to remember vividly why Eriol brought her to the sea in the first place. Her eyes watered at the thought of the company she dreamt of rejecting her, not because of her lack of creativity, but because of some stupid manager, official, whatever.

"FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID MANAGER!"

She was even surprised at her own outburst, her hands fisting at her sides as she screamed her heart out into the wide sunset. She was about to shout out other curse words in her vocabulary, if not for something cold that pressed against her knee. She yelped in surprise, thinking it was some sort of sea animal, but then gasped when she saw a long, navy blue bottle. A small roll of paper was inside, along with something else she could not see through the dark glass.

_A message in a bottle!_ She thought excitedly, taking the said article with trembling hands, almost forgetting her own dilemma, for the meantime. She craned her neck to call for Eriol to come to her, but suddenly, he was next to her, looking at the sunset.

His pants were rolled up, but the tide still found a way to moisten the fabric. His azure eyes, framed by glasses, were looking straight at the horizon. She had always wondered how he had azue eyes, and not the baby blue ones she was used to seeing. As far as she can tell, Eriol was the only person who possessed such dark depths. His pale hand raked his dark bangs, but he did not look at her. A small smile was on his face.

With Eriol beside her, Tomoyo began to open the cork on the bottle. To her surprise, it came off easily, like it had only been closed recently. And that was when she began to notice everything. She noticed how Eriol's muscles were tensed slightly, obviously trying to hide from her. She noticed that everything was _too_ much, for something to just "cheer her up."

She shook the bottle, and a slip of paper landed on her palm, along with a – her heart could not even process everything. Her eyes began to water. Suddenly, Eriol was in front of her, kneeling. He did not even care that the water reached his chest and soaked his dark blue shirt. He had more important things to think of.

As Eriol spoke the words Tomoyo always wanted to hear, she suddenly jumped and wrapped her arms around him as she gave her answer, engulfing them both in the salty waters.

"Ahhh!"

Tomoyo let out a loud, pained cry as she remembered what she had just done. For the past month, she had tried her best not to think of anything related to him, and she just had to remember one of her most cherished memories with him.

She felt like the memories of him likened to water being held by a dam, and with one single hole, the whole dam shattered and all hell broke loose. Everything she tried to hide about him resurfaced the darkness of her mind.

With tears running down her gaunt face, she ripped open her bedside table and took out a small chest. She yanked the top open, and gazed at the same roll of paper he gave her on that fateful day. She opened it with trembling hands, staring at the blank paper.

"I promised myself that I would only tell you and show you how I felt. No texts, no novels, no letters. You deserve more than that, Tomoyo," it was what he would always say before he crossed the air between them and kissed her.

True enough, when he missed her, he would never call her just to say so. He would definitely come to her, no matter what the circumstances were. He would climb trees and buildings, or drive a million miles just to see her smile. He cancelled important meetings and events just to stay by her side when she needed him.

He made Romeo seem like such a pathetic lover.

There were also downsides to this behavior. After all, he wasn't perfect. When Eriol made a mistake, he was never the one to admit it. Even if Tomoyo called him to rant, he said nothing on the phone. Tomoyo didn't even know if he was listening, or if he just left his phone somewhere before taking a jog or something.

He would come apologize to her in his own sweet time. And that "sweet time" of reconciliation was almost always initiated by the one who could bend her pride, believing that relationships were more important than the worst fights. In short, Tomoyo.

Tomoyo used to hate waiting for weeks for him to apologize. That's why she would always be the one to cave in. The tension would always be unbearable.

One time, though, when she saw Eriol at his weakest point in his life, he admitted that he was scared of apologizing. He had pride that ran deep through his veins, making him unable to find the will to even _admit_ his mistakes. That trait of his, no matter how distasteful, ran in the Hiiragizawa household, so Tomoyo held no grudge against him. It was something he grew up with, something he had the moment he was born. When she met his family, and she understood completely.

When you love someone, you could accept them even at their worst.

Tomoyo crushed the paper in her hand, realizing the answer to the question bugging her for quite a while. Even if she waited forever for him, he would not come. She would come, but not because relationships were more important than the _worst _fights. She would come, because some of the worst fights can mend no relationships - not even those held with a contract to Him from above.

She muttered a silent apology to He who watched her from above, but she did not push the call button. Not yet. She needed some more time to be strong enough to face him.

**OoO**

**Shika: So, how did it go? Wasn't much action, more of a flashback, actually. I wanted you guys to know a bit about Eriol. So, review, lovely people! And thanks for reading!**


	5. Chapter IV: Teeth and Vocal Cords

**Baby Steps**

**shika hiiragizawa**

**OoO**

**Shika: Hey ya'll! Sorry for this late update. I finally got work! But it's a bit hellish right now. Well, not the work per se, but the travelling part. It takes me two and a half hours. Imagine spending 5 hours a day on the road. But anyway, enough of me, I'd like to thank all our lovely reviewers and readers!**

**prilly55****:** Right now, it's still a bit dodgy. Don't worry, I'm working on the next few chapters already, and it contains stuff about Eriol. You'll decide soon enough. Right now, stay with me in this chapter!

**ulq4schiffer:** Thanks! This is a bit of a short chapter as well, even with 2k+ words, because the time spent isn't much. But I think this chapter is equally important as the rest. Anyway, as for Eriol, we'll know soon enough. Right now, the focus is on our darling Tomoyo, but Eriol will be explained as well. Thank you again!

**XxThe-Crest-Of-AnubisxX****: **I just updated along with the last chapter! I haven't gone out to writing the next one, but I have a few ideas. Anyways, thank you for always waiting and here's the next one!

**yingfa07:** Hey! Thanks for reading my story. Anyway, I'm glad the story is making you feel something, even if it's a little bit negative towards Eriol. It may change or strengthen throughout the next chapters, so sit back and enjoy as I unravel the plot bit by bit.

**Cris Elladan:** Good luck with college! Been there, and it's hell and all that, but it's super fun, especially with friends! I'm glad you're taking time to read and review, and I hope I can give you a chapter that's worth your time. Thank you again!

**Cheng:** Here's another update, cheng! Stay with me, as always!

**OoO**

**shika: So… here goes!**

**Chapter IV: Teeth and Vocal Cords**

_OK, Tomoyo, breathe._

Tomoyo let out a huge breath as she took one step out of her apartment. It was the first time she ever went out on her own, and she felt both scared and excited, like a locked up princess who had found a secret passageway in the cracked stones across her bed. Going out was against her comfort zone, since it had been a long while since she had ever went out, but it would make her go mad to stay cooped up in her own place.

She had specifically asked Sakura to let her have the rest of the week of for self-exploration. Sakura looked like she didn't want to agree, but when Tomoyo mentioned she needed to spend more time with Syaoran for _that, _her face glowed red as she agreed profusely and excused herself from her room. Tomoyo patted her stomach for good measure while smiling innocently at her best friend, who looked like she had swallowed all the shades of red as she slammed the door shut in her chuckling face.

For some reason, Tomoyo had to be alone at this point of time. She knew she needed to seek advice, but she had to face the music herself first. She had to learn how to find her inner strength, and no one else could do that except, well, herself.

The first agenda for that day was to go to the bookstore. It's obviously a weird choice, but Tomoyo knew she had to pick up a self-help book for general tips about her dilemma. It was basically _advice_ as well, but at least a book would be grounded on a more scientific approach. She also hoped for a voice that was distant; a voice that did not experience her situation first-hand. In theory, self-help books would give her a broader perspective onto her problem, given their distance from it.

She rummaged in her bag for her phone, keys, wallet, and all her essentials before she locked the door. As fast as she could dare, she darted out of the hallway like she was scared of being caught. As soon as she left the apartment, Tomoyo let out a huge sigh of relief.

She stared at the commotion in front of her. Everyone was walking or sprinting in the intersection, donuts in between their teeth as they answered their phone calls. Cars wove through the traffic, honking horns angrily, as if each second that passed were worth titanium. Buildings loomed in front of her, almost scaring her with their tall shadows that completely blocked the sun from her sight. Sparse greenery dotted the islands in between the road.

_What happened to clean and green?_ She shook her head at her thoughts, trying to picture her goal.

"First stop, bookshop," she chuckled under her breath at the rhyming phrase. It wasn't exactly funny, but it was a small step forward. Tomoyo knew she could only advance slowly but surely. She wasn't exactly brought up to do things on her own. Now that she thought of it, she wondered why her parents sheltered her so much. She brushed the thought from her mind. This was not the time to ponder over such pieces of information.

"Excuse me!" a cyclist suddenly rushed past her, making her yelp in surprise. He was just an inch away from her. She looked at the retreating figure in jeans and a black shirt, and saw a boy with blonde hair and blue eyes grin apologetically at her.

"Watch out!" she cried as he the teenage boy nearly hit another passer-by. Luckily, he managed to slip through the throng of bodies in front of him without a scratch. Tomoyo let out a breath that she'd been holding as she wove herself through the push and pull of people on the street, trying her best not to get crushed.

She went round a corner and stared at the huge building looming in front of her. The book store. It was three stories high, the glass panes showing shelves and shelves of endless books. With so much material, she might actually find what she was looking for.

She shouldered her way through the multitude of people wearing suits and dresses, bringing endless Styrofoam cups of coffee. One push would drench her in the scalding hot liquid, so she tried to be as careful as possible.

It seemed like a million years before she arrived at the glass doors of the stores, pushing it ajar to let herself in. Bright lights almost blinded her vision, and the place smelled like paper and old books, the kind of scent one smells when they rub their nose into a good book. She inhaled deeply and let the guard check her bag before she proceeded inside.

Rows and rows of wooden shelves were filled with numerous books of all sizes and colors. She felt like she was a child again as she giggled her way to the Bestsellers section. She missed curling up in bed with a good book and a mug of cocoa. It wasn't such a bad idea, so she picked a few fiction books (not on romance) before approaching a bored-looking clerk in a red and white uniform by the counter.

"Excuse me, where can I find the self-help books?" she asked politely. The clerk raised an eyebrow, possibly wondering why she needed one, before slowly lifting her hand to point at the stairs.

"Second floor, right wing," she drawled, like she had been saying the same thing her whole life. Instead of getting mad at the clerk's apparent lack of enthusiasm, Tomoyo thanked her gratefully before boarding up the stairs to the second floor. She was not going to let such a trivial matter ruin her day.

When she reached the ring wing, she looked around her to see that no one was looking before she feasted on a row of shelves with "Self-help books" tags at the top.

"_Steps to Seduction, How to Drizzle Honey in your Honeymoon, Kama_—" she stopped herself just in time from saying the whole word. God knows what could have happened if anyone heard her say the… err… word. She glared suspiciously at the "self-help books" tag in red and white on top of the shelf.

"This_ is_ self help?" she cried in disbelief. She motioned to the rest of the shelf filled with titles on the same topic before turning her heel to look at the next shelf.

"_A Guide to Nasty In-Laws, Mama's Boy and Daddy's Girl_… what are these?" she glared at the books like they had done her wrong, before turning to the next rack, hoping the titles were actually decent. She was wondering why she couldn't see the title _How to Find Your Inner Strength _or _Channeling Your Inner Goddess_.

On the other hand, she found completely weird titles like _Cleaning you Belly Button Right: A Handbook _and _Cataloguing your Crayolas. _Who would buy such books, and why couldn't she find what she looking for in the endless stocks in front of her? She toed a fallen black book and put her books down in defeat. She rolled her fingers on her temples, trying to ease the gnawing headache caused by looking through tons of rather atypical material.

"You OK?" Her eyes fluttered open at the foreign voice. She was about to open her mouth to reply something along the lines of "it's just a headache" but her voice caught in her throat.

Red hair. Crimson eyes. Sophisticated look.

However, this Kaho Mizuki in front of her looked completely calm and collected. There was no sign of fire in her eyes; no lava in her gait. She looked as if she were actually… _sincere _in asking her question. Was she the_ right_ Kaho Mizuki? The Mizuki tag on her briefcase answered her mental question.

_Does she not know that she is speaking to The Tomoyo _Hiiragizawa_?_ She took a deep breath and decided to speak up, noticing the long silence stretched in between them.

"I'm alright," she was surprised that her voice was more confident than her beating heart. "Just a headache."

"I'll help you look, then," she smiled at Tomoyo, and it warmed the cockles of her heart. Kaho Mizuki did not spout fire, but kindness. Maybe her friends had been biased so they provided negative feedback about the woman in front of her. She looked tranquil and composed, like she was looking at a smooth-flowing river. She was opposite the descriptions of spouting lava and hellfire. The resentment she felt for the woman started to fade, but when she spotted Kaho's neck, she suddenly remembered the red spot on her husbands' neck.

She wanted to throw the whole bookcase at her. How dare she play nice when she touched a married man! Now she understood her friends' biases. She had to keep her self-control in check. _Innocent until proven guilty_, she reprimanded herself. But wasn't she already guilty, given the circumstances?

_Shit._

"Did you drop this, by any chance?" she handed her a fallen book near the pile she had stacked on the floor. The gold letters of the white book read _A Guide to Losing Everything_.

_What the hell? _Tomoyo ground her teeth in frustration as she looked up at the woman who thrust the annoying book in her face, smiling innocently. For goodness' sake, she wasn't that desperate! She didn't even look that depressed. She just checked her reflection in the mirror before leaving, and she knew she looked decent in her flowing white blouse, skintight jeans and yellow pumps.

_But maybe she was asking nicely. Maybe she wasn't doing this on purpose,_ she thought. _Stop being so paranoid, Tomoyo!_

Instead of screaming for the woman to get lost, Tomoyo smiled, choosing to ignore her. She replaced the cause of her anger neatly on the shelf in front of her before shooting Kaho another genuine smile. She hastily remembered her notes in Feminism in college about male approval. Thank goodness she hadn't forgotten. She never knew the knowledge would actually be useful.

"Nope. I'm actually looking for something else," she had on the same polite smile she gave the bored clerk below. She began to imagine Kaho as the same woman, who was not worth her two cents'. Without another word, she collected the scattered books on the floor, turned on her heel and walked away.

One of the signs of male approval, or the need of the woman male attention, is actually fighting with a woman over the said person, if she remembered correctly. She did not remember what book it was, but made a mental note to grab a volume on that topic before she left.

She decided not to fight, but to do something else.

"You're not buying anymore?" she asked in the same polite, innocent tone. It was either the damned woman was playing at her, or she was really that innocent. Because she did not know, she decided not to play around (or fight), especially if the former was the case.

"Aha! Exactly what I was looking for," Tomoyo said, completely ignoring Kaho. She grabbed a hardbound white book entitled _All You Need to Know on Divorce_. It wasn't the book she was originally looking for, but it would do. After all, she didn't really need a book on finding inner strength. Experience would be good enough. And this instance counts as one. She tucked the new book under her shoulder along with all the other ones she picked up.

"Thanks for helping, but I found it," she smiled pleasantly, imagining the clerk downstairs clawing the dirt of her fingernails. It made her smile wider as she turned her back on Kaho. Tomoyo didn't even bother to catalogue Kaho's expression as she stalked off with a satisfied smirk on her face, knowing Kaho would probably look at the title.

She went to the third floor and asked another clerk - this one kinder - about books on feminism. After pointing the designated section, Tomoyo politely thanked her and grabbed a few books on the said subject.

Tomoyo finally heaved a sigh of relief when she left the bookstore, clutching the paper bag of her purchases closely to her chest. She felt her knees wobble and give way after allotting a huge space between the bookstore and herself. She didn't realize she was shaking from her past encounter with… _her._ She was silently praying she was _not_ Kaho Mizuki, but she didn't think many people had the same features as she did. How many people have long, waist length _red_ hair that was naturally colored? People mostly put artificial colors in their hair, but Kaho's shiny, straight scarlet hair was obviously something she had since birth. Not the length, of course. And how many Mizukis were there in the world? Tomoyo suddenly prayed that she met her sister or long-lost cousin, but she felt that she had met the real Kaho Mizuki. It just meant she transferred into the worst town– _her_ town.

Tomoyo noted that she was kind, unless she was a great actress. She decided to ditch the latter idea. She had to think the best of her, despite what happened. After all, her life did not revolve around Eriol or Kaho, so she had plenty of things in her life to worry about without them.

As her mind wandered, her feet miraculously bought her back to her room. It seemed like her body got tired from the past events that it led itself home. She let herself in, taking off her pumps as she stared at her own room for the first time since her stay.

The place was obviously a mess.

The pink and green throw pillows were strewn across the fluffy beige carpet. The white sofa was scrunched up at the place where she slept. On the glass table was an assortment of water bottles and packets of unfinished crackers. The LED television attached to the wall, luckily, looked untouched. It seemed like years since she watched something. The table of drawers below it looked decent.

On her right was the kitchen, and it was _even_ messier. Her bag landed with a dull thump on the carpeted floor as she almost ran to inspect the kitchen. The box-shaped marble counter (except for a small space to let people in) was loaded with unwashed dishes. The off-white tiles were practically begging to be scrubbed. Even if she had just washed the plates, more dirty platters were on the glass dining table. The four chairs were facing different directions.

She inspected the fridge and found it empty, save for a glass of scalding milk. The smell of rotten eggs burned her nose so she quickly dumped the contents in the sink and turned on the tap to drain the murky white stain on the metal surface. The stench gradually decreased as soon as the white began to fade away.

The dishes that were clean were piled unceremoniously onto a white tray, like they were placed there without second thought. _That's probably what happened_, she grumbled to herself as she began to replace the plates and utensils back into the drawers. Fortunately for her, the untouched drawers were spotless, and she had one thing less to clean.

After emptying the white tray of its contents, she proceeded to the door on the right, beside the marble counter. She almost cried at her own clutter, which was her room.

The cream blankets were strewn all around the room like she had been sleeping in every nook and cranny in the room _except _her bed. Bottles of water littered the floor, and her clothes spilled from the oak cabinet on her right side. The queen-sized bed on her left side was stripped to a mattress.

_Did I really do all this? _She stamped her hand over her forehead in desperation and looked at the huge glass windows, the sunlight indicating she had a few hours before night. _Great,_ she murmured to herself,_ I would need every single second to fix this...disaster. _

It was like a hurricane had gone lose in her room. Now she believed Sakura's words when she told him she needed to fix the "calamity," as she put it bluntly. She was not only talking about Tomoyo's inner turmoil, but also the outcome caused by the gravity of her misery.

It seemed like the calm, neat and collected Tomoyo was down the drain. Actually, she corrected herself, the old Tomoyo was literally going down the drain with all her trash.

The new Tomoyo would be calm, neat, collected and _strong_.

She rolled the sleeves of her blouse and grabbed the apron hanging from the rack in the kitchen, a determined look on her pale face as she started the journey to finding her inner self.

She didn't notice her phone vibrating the whole time she was harnessing her chi. Maybe that was a positive thing, because a single look at the caller may make her drop everything she was doing.

**OoO**

**Shika: Cliffhanger? Well, I hope you still loved it. Type a short review and I'll be eternally grateful. Thanks for reading and I hope to hear from you soon! 'Til the next one!**


	6. Chapter V: Brain Cells

**Baby Steps**

**shika hiiragizawa**

**Summary: A certain Tomoyo Daidouji finds out that the rumors about her husband, Eriol Hiiragizawa, cheating on her, were true, and so she leaves him. Incidentally, she gets pregnant with his child, and struggles to make it through, not quite alone, but with her new child. A story of independence and inner strength, and maybe, just maybe, true love. ExT.**

**OoO**

**shika: **Hi all! I appreciate all the reviews and all the waiting. I hope this delayed chapter didn't delay your love for this story. :)

**prilly55:** You'll know in a bit who called, I think? Hahaha just read on. And thank you in advance!

**ulq4schiffer**: I really don't want to rush this story, and I am glad you understand. 6 hours? That's a freaking long time. Hope you're okay now. I still can't get used to all the travelling.

**XxThe-Crest-Of-AnubisxX:** Thank you for your review and your PM. TBH, I have much more footing in this story than My Playboy, but I won't abandon them! I am truly sorry for the delay. Here goes!

**A Shamrock:** As I mentioned, I am taking the story a bit slowly so that the whole timeline and plot will be fleshed out, so I hope you stay tune as I answer each question, luckily one per chapter!

**cheng:** Yes, in this story, Tomoyo is strong. So is Eriol. But we'll see how this turns out! Thank you, cheng!

**fay208:** Thanks a lot for that! I'm glad you enjoy my stories and think is different. I am trying my best to do something different for myself and for all you lovely readers. Hope you appreciate this chapter as well :)

**AnimeStarz12:** Thanks for reading and here's the next chapter!

**10 shi:** Juris? As in from MYMP? haha hope you liked it and this one, too!

**Maria-Reynne:** Thank you! Hope your comments will stay the same, if not better, as you read on! :)

**bitesizedallyx3:** Oooh we're gonna put a bit of Kaho somewhere, but not in this chapter, so hold your horses and enjoy this one!

**EuroCuttie:** I think we can all infer the caller in this chapter. Also, I am glad you are noticing Tomoyo's strength. This is one of the highlights of the story, and one of the main plots, since I want women to be played in a better light.

**shika: thank you for all the beautiful reviews, and here goes!**

**OoO**

**Chapter V: Brain Cells**

Even if she left their house, his memories lingered in everything she touched.

It was in the lacy black lingerie she unearthed from her closet brimming with clothes. At that time, she didn't even want to wear it, but the champagne in her blood gave her liquid courage to don a layer of lace that hugged her curves, and barely covered her supple body. She felt shy when she wore it; she was even determined to change into normal underwear, when Eriol saw her – _gaped_ at her – to be exact. Without a word, he carried her and laid her down the silk bed.

It was during their honeymoon in Italy; their first night in the hotel as a married couple. It was heaven and hell as he thrust inside her, breaking her barrier. He tried to be as slow as he could, whispering words of love as he entered her again and again. The pain slowly died away, replaced by a growing need in her belly as she met his thrusts hungrily, her intoxicated cries mirroring his animalistic growls. Their climax was one she would never forget - the first of her_ many _peaks. She never even knew her body had the capacity to feel such pleasure as her walls clamped around his throbbing member, both of them shuddering into a beautiful release with their arms wrapped around each other.

She had never worn it ever since, savoring the memories of her first experience. Her first impulse now was to throw it away, but she realized that chucking it away in the bin would not "chuck" away her memories of him. Besides, she still treasured that moment with him. She wasn't that bitter to throw every experience they had just because it hurt recalling it.

True enough, every single blouse and lingerie she dug out held memoirs of him. When they did it on the kitchen counter, the floor, the wall, on every single surface he pinned her too, pressing his need against hers. Those moments he ripped her underwear under those blouses and skirts because he didn't want to waste any time. Those muffled moans they emitted when they did it in their office as fast as they dared, as hard as Eriol could thrust. Her husband was the best in that department, and she could say the same for herself.

There were times she initiated it, but it always ended up in his pace. She had no qualms about their unsaid arrangement, because when he wanted it hard, she wanted it rough. When he wanted slow and gentle, she wanted to savor every moment their bodies touched. They were the perfect sexual partners.

Sighing herself back to reality, she decided to just fold her clothes neatly and put it into stacks according to need. She put blouses, dresses, jeans and slacks onto hangers.

Her hand clutched the purple chiffon blouse he had given her out of the blue. He just wanted to see her smile, he said.

Her fingers skimmed the black pencil skirt which had a makeshift zipper. It was Eriol's punishment to sew on a new zipper, since he hastily ripped her skirt and broke it. She chuckled as she remembered him hunched on a stool by the fire, shouting curses as he kept pricking his fingers on the needle.

"This is what you get for being so hasty," Tomoyo teased from his back, slipping her head in the crook of his neck and sucking his bloody finger. The salty taste spread on her tongue.

"Do you want me to show you the benefits of being hasty?" he answered huskily, licking her ear slowly. This earned a new moan from her, along with some ripped brand-new clothes. The sewing lay forgotten on the carpet.

Eriol finished it up the next day, complete with band-aids on his fingertips. Tomoyo had laughed so hard at him, but the moment he hooked her knees in his arms and carried her to their bed, her laughs were replaced by screams of pleasure.

Now that Tomoyo thought of it, their marriage was very physical. They do it more than once every day. He never ran out of stamina for her. Likewise, she never ran out of thirst for him. But the days before she left… she bit her lip as she remembered that Eriol was always tired from work, shortening their physical activities. She suddenly doubted his excuses of work…

"Now is not the time to think of that!" she chided herself, folding the last of her clothes and closing the cabinet.

She swept the floor and threw all her trash in the bin. She remembered cleaning with Eriol; how he could agree to doing such a thing in their new house when he had maids in his mansion to do his bidding. Tomoyo swept the floor, Eriol wiped it. She would laugh whenever he wore an expression of disgust as he dragged the rag across tables and floors, murmuring curses under his breath.

The only time he showed his clumsy side was at home, specifically while doing chores. He always claims to "accidentally" break figurines they got from weddings and baptisms. Tomoyo knew he did it on purpose because he hated the pink glass shoes and porcelain figures of brides and grooms in such a minimalist styled house. Teasing Eriol would earn her a slap on the butt and forgotten cleaning, so she sometimes kept her mouth shut so they could finish their Saturday rituals which DID not involve any positions for… well, of course you know for what!

But they weren't just spending their whole lives doing _it_, they also did other stuff when they weren't humping around. Sometimes, when they were doing their Saturday rituals_ religiously_, they would talk of their problems. Tomoyo would do it when she swapped roles with Eriol: she would bang the poor rag on the table and chairs as she ranted on and on about work. Tomoyo was never known to raise her voice. Only Eriol and Sakura knew her real feelings that she expertly hid with a serene gait.

Eriol would sometimes talk as he volunteered to sweep the floor, wishing he could sweep his worries along with the dust bunnies. True enough, his wishes would come true once Tomoyo's smile and kind words washed away his pain.

Now, she was doing it all alone, cleaning every single surface, wiping her recollections along with the dirt. The kitchen was one of the hardest to clean. She struggled with scraping the dirt from the marble tabletops as she recalled Eriol's superb cooking which rivaled her own. He may be clumsy and adorably annoying with cleaning, but when he was left to the kitchen with his own devises, he always managed to produce something delicious. He created pastas and foreign food so perfectly; restaurants would beg to have him. His pastries done with such a gentle hand would bankrupt all the bakeries in town if he started his own.

Maybe it was the reason why Tomoyo never liked to eat anymore. She was so used to Eriol's cooking that everything tasted bad to her. She had to drag herself to the counter as the memory of the aroma of his cooking assaulted her senses.

When Eriol cooked, that left Tomoyo to wash the dishes. She liked cleaning with water, so she never considered it a chore. She felt relaxed as the soap bubbles churned in the sink, so it was, in a way, an unwinding process. True enough, as her hands moved on its own accord to scrub the remaining dishes, she gradually calmed down.

Slowly, she began to clean the mess that was her apartment room.

She tended the plants on the balcony. They would've died, if not for Sakura. She cut some purple and yellow blossoms and put it in a vase in the table in the living room. It was always Eriol who put flowers in the vase, since he liked gardening. Tomoyo didn't exactly_ dislike_ gardening; Eriol just liked it better than she did.

He was the one digging the soil in the garden during spring, pushing down small seeds and burying them with brown earth, coaxing gentle words to the "little ones." Tomoyo always joked that the plants were his "children," because he spent a great deal of time talking to them, and he was gentler to them than he was to her. That would earn her a hard-earned lesson on being _gentle_, so she joked about it quite often. A romantic and dominant Eriol definitely made it hard for her to neither think nor breathe, and she relished how he moved towards her with a slow, burning need that made her want for more.

She stopped in her tracks in the middle of the room, dropping the cleaning rag as she remembered exactly how her body yearned for his touch. She ached for him now ever so painfully that her heart twisted in agony at the thought of not having him again, sex or no sex. Right now, his smile was enough for her get rid of her longing.

She shook her head, trying to think of other things. She busied herself with cleaning the living room. She also dropped by the grocery for a few supplies. She needed to cook on her own now. She found herself absent-mindedly picking up ingredients for baked lasagna, Eriol's favorite. It was the only thing she could cook better than him.

It was like the moment she had started working, everything started to move towards Eriol. Her subconscious would always bring him to the forefront of her mind, no matter how much she tried to push the thoughts of him away.

As exhaustion took over, her last resort was a nice, warm bath, after she deposited all her purchases in the fridge. She filled the bathtub with warm water, dropping in some bath oils as she eased herself in. It was relaxing, no doubt, but the scent made her think of the times she had shared the bath with Eriol, because they used the same bath oils.

They would stay still side by side as they enjoyed the warmth of the water and the closeness of their bodies. Only their noses would touch. The thought that their bodies were only inches apart increased the tension between them, but they didn't move to close the gap.

Eriol would tell her he loved her, his warm breath fanning her face. She would answer him quietly. They would close their eyes and savor the effect of their words. Once, she saw Eriol crying as they were in their own world, unable to express how he felt with just words. Tomoyo's eyes watered at the sight of him, but they still didn't move. Love can be shown without any need for contact, much less sex. They stayed for hours in the bathtub, not caring that their fingers and toes were crinkling.

Tomoyo didn't even notice herself crying, the salty water trickling down her cheeks. She had been holding it back all day, but now it spread freely, joining the tub water.

"I love you, Eriol," she whispered, closing her eyes and lying sideways, trying to think that Eriol was on the other side, his nose on hers. She savored the truth of her words, knowing she could not run from it. But he had strayed away, and her misery and pain made her cry so loud. It echoed in the tiles, reverberating in her broken heart.

**OoO**

After work, Sakura headed home and changed into the lacy black underwear Tomoyo had given her last Christmas. She never thought she would use it; but after Tomoyo's shameless teasing, she realized she was burning with need. The past weeks have been hell to them with all the events that happened.

Once, as Syaoran buried himself inside her, she kept worrying about Tomoyo, whispering her name as tears slid down her cheeks. Syaoran, looking a bit flustered, released himself from her and cocooned her into a hug as they talked. She had fallen asleep crying. Later that night, she felt Syaoran jack himself off beside her because the bed was moving.

Now, there would be no regrets. Tomoyo was certainly learning to pick up the pieces of herself, so Sakura had one less thing to worry about. It was high time she quenched the thirst she had been repressing for so long. She was sure Syaoran felt the same way. After all, his husband had quite that feral appetite that matched Eriol's.

The door opened, and Sakura scampered in Syaoran's gray shirt that reached her knees.

"Honey?"

She was surprised that Syaoran looked so wasted in front of her. He poured himself a glass of scotch, piling cubes of ice he found in the fridge.

"Syaoran?"

He sat down and emptied the glass in one gulp, the ices clinking as he laid it on the table. "Sakura…"

Sakura pulled a chair beside him silently, her eyes a mirror of the concern she felt.

"Eriol came to me," he whispered, "he asked me where she is. I… I told him."

"WHAT?" Sakura thundered, banging her foot on the floor angrily. "Then why the hell did she change apartments, if he was to just go there and disturb her peace? You know she's only _started _to cope, Syaoran!"

"I know," he replied silently, pouring himself another glass. "Eriol… he looked so lost."

"Of course he did!" Sakura half-screamed, waving her arms anxiously at her husband, who was looking at his shoes. "He was the one sleeping around! Syaoran, why on_ earth_, pray tell, did you do it?"

"I know we both hated him, but we didn't dare show Tomoyo. We were disappointed in his actions. But, honey, we never thought of how he felt the whole time. Our attention has been fixed on Tomoyo. We forget that he's our friend too, and he needs our help as much as Tomoyo does."

Sakura's hands felt limp at her sides as she pondered over Syaoran's words.

"Have you forgotten that between the two of them, Eriol was the type who never showed weakness even if he was the one wrong? It's not something he can change overnight, especially with the weight of his mistake. Sakura, he's a mess right now. Fuck it, he's worse than a mess. We've been with him since God knows when, and we never helped him when he needed it the most."

"Didn't we try to call him?"

"This is Eriol we're talking about, Sakura. He can barely voice out his opinions, so how can we expect him to say hello on the phone? We should've visited him. I don't even know why I didn't think of it." He punched the wooden table in anger. "I feel like I haven't done my duty as a friend. If our roles were reversed, I'm sure Eriol would never leave you or me."

"But why did he do it?" Sakura's voice was barely a whisper.

"He didn't tell me all the details," he replied, draining his glass again. "All I know is that he's headed to her now. He heard about the divorce from Kaho Mizuki, and it came out as a real shock to him. Even before he had the guts to talk to Tomoyo himself, the news came swooning to him like shit. He was surprised and angry that we knew about the divorce even before he did. He's going to face her without any ounce of strength. No pride. Tomoyo is stronger than him right now."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"Yes, of course it is," Syaoran drawled, "because Eriol needs to see his mistake. But he's too broken right now. I told you, Sakura, he's worse than Tomoyo. And we _thought_ Tomoyo was having a hard time."

Sakura wanted to tell Syaoran that it was fair, since he cheated on her and went to Kaho the moment she left. The remorse he felt was the least justice he could get for his actions. However, she knew Syaoran had a point. When it was their friends who had problems, Eriol would never take sides. He would always, _always _ask all angles of the story. He would never leave anyone, even the person who had done wrong.

The least Sakura had learned in college psychology was some principle that what people did to others; they wanted to be done to them as well. Whatever the name of the concept was, she forgot. Since Eriol did not have the capacity to express himself, he was silent and sturdy and strong in supporting someone else's problems without even asking. He always waited for the person to willingly share their dilemma. Though he may not admit or know it, he craves the same attention when he goes through the same predicaments.

He had done something so very wrong, but to hear of divorce from someone other than his wife… of course it would hurt! She didn't even care how Kaho had gotten the information, if she just lied to get him. The point is, it was true, and Syaoran confirmed it.

"Even when people make mistakes, they suffer, too," it was the words Eriol whispered to Sakura as she cried on his shoulders after a particularly grueling argument with Syaoran that lasted for weeks. She had forgotten his words, his brotherly warmth, and everything else, just because he had hurt her best friend.

Eriol was her best friend, too.

She kind of understood now. Tomoyo's choice was right, of course, but it all depended on Eriol now. The least Tomoyo could do was hear him out and ask for his consent, which he _had_ to give, with the way things were going.

The night she had envisioned with Syaoran disappeared like the scotch in his glass.

**OoO**

**shika: Thank you all for reading! Let me know what you guys think through your awezum reviews and I wish you all the best in this cold weather!**


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